Eddie

10 10 2013

We lost our Eddie boy (cat). He was my buddy. I’m still kind of in shock five days later. It wasn’t a surprise though. He was diagnosed with kidney failure 9 months ago and wasn’t supposed to live for 2 months past that. I’m so thankful for the extra time I/we had with him, although I came to appreciate him more and more for a few years before that. So in this case, it didn’t take the threat of death for me to really value him like I should. He’s more of an anti-depressant than a typical cat because of how much time he spent on me while I’m lying down.  Now I don’t have that. Our cat Allie is great too, but she’s not on me a lot like Eddie was. It’s great to still have her. Since we don’t have kids, you’ve got to have a cat in the house, or better yet, two. 

God kept me strong before he died. I was able to be very rational about making the decision with my wife. We spent over an hour with him, deliberating and praying. We didn’t want to wait too long like we did with out previous cats. He was very uncomfortable, and nothing else could be done. 

Then after he died, I totally lost it. My wife had been steadily grieving for a couple days. With me it’s like I explode at some point. This time it was so bad, I thought I’d end up in the ER. I was breathing so hard and felt like I wasn’t going to stop, but I wasn’t hyperventilating. 

Since he left us not being in such awful pain and I was not in an unusually depressed or anxious state at the time, I think I will be able to think about the good memories and be able to look at pictures of him much sooner than our other cats, and our dog which was a complete nightmare. I’m handling it well, and I feel like I’m coming out of the shock and fog. There is still more grieving to do, and I hope I don’t just ignore it.

I have so much to be thankful for, and I’m thankful that God has given me a more thankful spirit as time goes on.

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